Every once in a while, you get a bad day that would not fail in getting you down. But if you are like us who are human, these bad days come way too often. Yes, these days that speckle an otherwise perfect day and no matter what good things might or would have happened, you just cannot seem to overlook it and it pulls your morale down into an impossibly dark pit. Maybe you end up being bitter, but when your friends hear about your rut and ask after you, you start to wonder if they really mean it.
You may start your hating that we belong to the same realm as ungrateful bitches but you cannot deny that you have never once thought it; or maybe you could be one of those who committed the same thing. It does not take long to realize that sometimes that folks who are trying to be kind or understanding say it with a text rather than any personal involvement. It is easier and the bonus is that there is no direct contact that could spin into something you would not be able to control. Once they take their hands off the serving dish that contains the comforting words, it means that they have done their job. Hey, the job is done and well, your conscience is clear.
That is because today, words in the form of digital texts are the currency of aid.
Maybe these bad ditches happen way too often and people ask all the time how I am doing or if I am doing okay. But the truth often is, do they really want to know? So instead of partaking in a grand gesture of flying down from wherever they are to find out how you really are, that little nicety of asking is an act of charity. Granted that some of them are acquaintances and really sitting down would open a can of worms that could take up much more time that you had expected.
Now, how many of us are willing to give up that kind of time? In that case, why do you even bother dropping a text and giving false hope that people care.
They smile and give a pat that pretends that everything is going to be okay, but only because that it polite and probably socially correct to do so. People talk when you just give an affirming grunt when the friend gripes about his problem. “What an unfeeling jerk!” is that I would imagine they would say. But maybe the whole time, they might also be thinking, “Well, thank goodness it happened to him, better him than me.”
Then you might start saying that I am not being fair when I start categorizing people like this; that some people do genuinely want to help. But then I would tell you that if they really want to help, I could do without the half-hearted words of comfort that only takes up the memory capacity on my phone. Instead, a call with a sincere want to hear all about what happened would have done the trick. An extra bonus would even volunteering to make a trip down to offer some company. But we are reaching for the stars here, are we not? The truth is that if they wanted to be a savior, all it takes is effort.
What people do not realize is that more often than not, people who offer help do it to make themselves feel better, not us. To be honest, I do not blame them because I am guilty of the same mistake too. You probably do it because it gives your conscience a boost in knowing that somehow in that little effort you made, you might and probably have made someone less upset. Furthermore, this is not limited to trying to alleviate a person’s mood, it can even be extended to the daily routine. Some friends make it a routine to wish their friends a ‘happy birthday’ when Facebook notifies them that three of their friends are celebrating their special day.
“But do you even mean it?” I asked in which an awkward fog of silence settles in. When was the last time you ever talked to that person, let alone met the person to catch up? With the thousand friends you have in your online social network, the chances would be pretty slim. All of us have committed that crime I am sure, you notice that an acquaintance’s birthday on a Facebook notification so instead of being rude, you send a birthday post that is hardly enough to start a conversation nor can be ignored. Heck, I probably did it this morning. So yes, guilty as charged.
Altogether, these potholes life are inevitable and it is impossible to not wallow in misery. But the next time you see someone who is stuck, consider this - maybe it might not be a bad thing to ignore if you are not interested to hear the whole story. Because that text may actually cause more harm while you stroke your own conscience.
